a Scrooge of a story

Here is a little story of Christmases past, present and future.

My husband's extended family have a large family party every year with cousins, aunts and uncles and the occasional brought extra guest. There was traditionally a gift exchange game. You know the one with the dice and the gift pile and stealing gifts from other people and so forth. A fun game if people play well in sandboxes together. Each year the food was elaborate and often served very late. Not a bad setup for adults standing around drinking, but with kids in the mix it had started to get tough for them to behave while waiting for the food and then they hated the food because, well most kids just don't dig exotics.

Christmases past:

Two years ago, two cousins and two uncles decided that they had brought the best bottles of wine and did not want to have to share with those of us whose wine was not of their calibur. So they took their bottles of wine and snuck off to the basement where they stayed for a few hours keeping themselves sequestered from the rest of us lowlifes. It did not go unnoticed, of course, how stupid are we?

Last year, the hosting aunt called my mil to bitch (yes bitch) about the gift exchange and the fact that she felt my husband and I and my husband's sister and her husband (did you catch all that?) were not participating. Now let's get this straight: if you don't put a gift in, you don't play the game or take one out. There is a $20 cap on the gifts. One year we couldn't participate as we had 3 week old twins, the next we put one gift in because it was what we could afford. Apparently she felt we were too cheap. That some families have $100 gifts for their exchange. This from a woman who has a lot of money, but started out just like us - scrimping and saving. When mil put her in her place about other people's being able to afford things not to mention that it certainly didn't feel good not to participate given that puts one in the spotlight as being a little less financially fortified as some. So the exchange was forsaken for the activities of family togetherness and conversation. But we still felt odd, who wouldn't?

Christmas Present:

This year, we were not going to go. It is a 45 minute drive, the kids are always restless and don't eat well which makes them cranky and we usually spend most of the time either feeling looked down upon or worrying about our kids. Just not much fun. BUT, they changed the party to the afternoon promising to serve kid food and accommodate the families with children more, so we decided to go. As you might know, my brother is coming for Christmas! (heh) Not wanting to spend any time away from him, knowing others have brought friends before, we asked permission to bring him and his wife. We were denied. Denied! The hoting aunt told my mil, "They could leave them at their house for three hours." Huh. No we cannot. Our standards of hospitality do not include having a guest who has travelled an entire continent to come see us, who is staying in our home, to abandon them for festivities that are not necessary and should have been welcome at simply by the fact that it has never been a problem before. I realize they have a right to make their decisions, but it puts a certain light on things when we are singled out. So we decided not to go. We received a call from that hosting aunt, who till now did all her communicating through the mil, really silly if you ask me. She called to tell us what food to bring. Um, yeah we said we weren't coming. She says, well if it means you won't come, then you can bring them. Uh yeah, that's not going to cut it. That's like we blackmailed you and believe me, there will be talk in the family about us.

Christmases Future:

We are now confident to be unshackled of this unpleasant experience for all future years. We do think perhaps we'll get some of the cousins together in the summer for a barbq so that we don't lose touch all together because some of them are truly wonderful people. It's sad that families have to be this way. Bah!