I feel like a snow globe, blizzardy mixed up.
I wonder if so much of me should be hanging out here, or should I zip the fly and hide a bit? I've been extremely candid over the last three years and I find there are things here that I really don't want the world to see or know. It was ok when it was just us, you know. But then all those fly byers came and went here and there and now I'm getting random emails about advertising - who the heck knows why, my traffic (which I haven't looked at in at least a year) can't be that high - and it worries me. Worries me that so many unknowns have access to so many intimate details.
But I want to stay true. I find myself editing out touchier parts a lot now a days for several valid reasons. One of which is the desire to leave the whiny me behind. Oh I will always need to whine a bit, but you know, now that things are smoothing out in my world, I can see that I have been quite the whiner. Thanks for the support by the way. Another is this intense desire for privacy all of a sudden. I think this was partly influenced by reading The Traveler which sort of freaked me out about how much people can know about you. And there is my kids. My son is getting old enough to be poking around the nets and you know, things here have been said that might better be left out of his knowledge base.
I have been feeling in and out, up and down, hot and cool about my hubby lately. Nothing bad or serious. Just marriage I think. In August (the 5th to be precise) we will have been together 7 years. I suppose this explains some of the irritation we've been struggling with of late. We're too used to each other. I feel so overlooked sometimes. He has started doing the 'uh huh' thing. You know, when someone knows you well enough to sort of half listen and know the basics of what you say so they just 'uh huh' you? I don't want to be uh huh'd.
Money. Number one cause of stress in relationships. Yeah we feel it. We're in a loop right now and it sucks. It seems like every time we turn around something big breaks and we have to fix it which means our debt is not going down at all. That is such a discouraging thing to see. But it would not be prudent to neglect the brakes on the van or the computers which link us both to our jobs. So we stress. And we talk, we argue sometimes but in the end mostly we talk.
In the mix of this Me cocktail, there is a feeling of meeting. My horizon is finding my road and I am quickening on that trail. I feel it. Things are changing. I'm getting closer to some goals of mine that are dear to me. As my time expands beyond constant watcher, I am delving deeper into my pursuits. And my curiosity and thirst for knowledge is increasing. I used to write mainly the things in my head, fiction for fiction's sake. But I find myself quite enraptured with research of late. General writing research and more specific subjects. I'm forming some long term goals in my head beyond just to write. I can see some projects I'd like to pursue writing about. That's an exciting feeling.
So here I am shaken but not stirred.
The great thing is that I have changed emotionally. I feel that too. I am so unruffled of late. I may be shaken but I'm not freaked out about it. My mood has remained cool in the shade, taking time to sit under palm trees on hot beaches of mental landscapes while thinking things through. Time to think things through has such a profound effect on reaction.
So if you see a lady in a big bubble full of floating fake snow, just rolling along with a contented smile on her face, that's me. Shaken, but not stirred.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Professional Moves
I have had a reading. It was an audience of around 30. Young people, who were trapped into listening to me and not even in their native language. There's nothing like having a 'captive' audience.
I shared a short story I wrote just for the occasion - Parent Week at my son's school. I had a full cheer at the end, though I'm not sure if they had been coerced by their teacher. =)
-----------------------------------
In my ever drawn out adventures considering my future and a profession beyond this great ambition of writing, I toyed with becoming educated as a sound engineer. But then I went searching for jobs in my area. Um. Zilch. How's that for a professional outlook? Back to my drawing board and sticking to the clickity clack of my typewriter. We shall see.
At least the creative juices are drawing me to the writing table instead of feeling like avoiding it.
-----------------------------------
Twins. I recently taught them the I'm a Little Teapot song and they love it. We're currently learning how to jump rope with little first success but a lot of great giggles. We've had some wonderfully hot days this week which meant the wading pool came out and splashing became the mode of the day. Even I was pulled in. Literally.
There have been sandbirds to make (needing finishing with the glue gun) and homemade spring daffodils gracing the table. We have taken to reading books under a blanket with a flashlight, because it's so much more 'romantic' that way. The twins almost seem to feel like they are doing something not allowed.
The scouts had a big bike ride and I joined my eldest for the spin. It was exhilerating riding along with 200 others, protected by police escort. They should do that every year. Hopefully they will.
-----------------------------------------
I got all geeky and stuff and built myself a new computer. The big secret is that we're making a giant computer shuffle. My laptop will be cleaned and transferred to the kitchen computer area and the kitchen computer will be fixed up as a birthday present for eldest on his way to Secondaire next year (7th grade). Building your own computer is rather exciting. It makes you feel like a real techie even if it is as simple as reading the manual (RTFM)! I suppose the fact that it has worked perfectly since I built it shows some level of geek prowess.
-----------------------------------------
The garden is coming along splendidly except that I suspect beetles have invaded. Several plants have been eaten very young, a couple of seeds were eaten before they sprouted out. I am more and more confident that the changes I made to the garden and effective fighting tools (organic thank you) have routed my snail problem. Now what to do about these dang beetles, if in fact that is the problem, before all my beans are holey and dead? Research research.
-----------------------------------------
I shared a short story I wrote just for the occasion - Parent Week at my son's school. I had a full cheer at the end, though I'm not sure if they had been coerced by their teacher. =)
-----------------------------------
In my ever drawn out adventures considering my future and a profession beyond this great ambition of writing, I toyed with becoming educated as a sound engineer. But then I went searching for jobs in my area. Um. Zilch. How's that for a professional outlook? Back to my drawing board and sticking to the clickity clack of my typewriter. We shall see.
At least the creative juices are drawing me to the writing table instead of feeling like avoiding it.
-----------------------------------
Twins. I recently taught them the I'm a Little Teapot song and they love it. We're currently learning how to jump rope with little first success but a lot of great giggles. We've had some wonderfully hot days this week which meant the wading pool came out and splashing became the mode of the day. Even I was pulled in. Literally.
There have been sandbirds to make (needing finishing with the glue gun) and homemade spring daffodils gracing the table. We have taken to reading books under a blanket with a flashlight, because it's so much more 'romantic' that way. The twins almost seem to feel like they are doing something not allowed.
The scouts had a big bike ride and I joined my eldest for the spin. It was exhilerating riding along with 200 others, protected by police escort. They should do that every year. Hopefully they will.
-----------------------------------------
I got all geeky and stuff and built myself a new computer. The big secret is that we're making a giant computer shuffle. My laptop will be cleaned and transferred to the kitchen computer area and the kitchen computer will be fixed up as a birthday present for eldest on his way to Secondaire next year (7th grade). Building your own computer is rather exciting. It makes you feel like a real techie even if it is as simple as reading the manual (RTFM)! I suppose the fact that it has worked perfectly since I built it shows some level of geek prowess.
-----------------------------------------
The garden is coming along splendidly except that I suspect beetles have invaded. Several plants have been eaten very young, a couple of seeds were eaten before they sprouted out. I am more and more confident that the changes I made to the garden and effective fighting tools (organic thank you) have routed my snail problem. Now what to do about these dang beetles, if in fact that is the problem, before all my beans are holey and dead? Research research.
-----------------------------------------
Thursday, June 11, 2009
My Little Bot Lady's Maids
You know that self-clean button on the oven that does wonders for all those sticky spills? I just love that. And I was thinking, how wonderful it would be to have a self cleaning body. Like maybe little nanobots could do all your grooming at night while you sleep: washing, washing the hair (maybe using some fantastic futuristic dry chemical shampoo and conditioner specified to your hair type of course), removing all unwanted hairs. It'd be great to wake up all fresh and ready to go.
------------------------------
Bread day is back! I had given up (once again! I think I'm now on round 4) trying to please my family with homemade bread. I can hear the gasp of hundreds (ok all 8 of you) thinking who in their right mind wouldn't like homemade bread? Well, let me tell you, these are toast people. If it isn't perfectly light and full of delicious little holes then it just isn't good enough. Homemade bread tends to the denser side. At least it did until this:
They have a recipe for American White Bread which is basically your toast-lovin'-holey-white-bread bread. And it works. I made the most light, fluffy, airy, holey bread I've ever seen yesterday. And homemade bread is back on the menu! Not to mention easing the budget - as in about 20 cents per loaf as opposed to 2.40 per store loaf.
----------------------------------
I've been using my typewriter to write my book. I can't resist the sound it makes and the feel of the smooth black keys. The strength it takes to push the keys enough to show a letter makes me take my time and that in turn fosters well thought out sentences. Glorious words have been issuing forth from my speed-decreased brain. Of course, I then have to transcribe what I wrote into the computer, but the glory of that is I can do a quick edit as I go. Yeah, I love my typewriter.
------------------------------
Bread day is back! I had given up (once again! I think I'm now on round 4) trying to please my family with homemade bread. I can hear the gasp of hundreds (ok all 8 of you) thinking who in their right mind wouldn't like homemade bread? Well, let me tell you, these are toast people. If it isn't perfectly light and full of delicious little holes then it just isn't good enough. Homemade bread tends to the denser side. At least it did until this:
They have a recipe for American White Bread which is basically your toast-lovin'-holey-white-bread bread. And it works. I made the most light, fluffy, airy, holey bread I've ever seen yesterday. And homemade bread is back on the menu! Not to mention easing the budget - as in about 20 cents per loaf as opposed to 2.40 per store loaf.
----------------------------------
I've been using my typewriter to write my book. I can't resist the sound it makes and the feel of the smooth black keys. The strength it takes to push the keys enough to show a letter makes me take my time and that in turn fosters well thought out sentences. Glorious words have been issuing forth from my speed-decreased brain. Of course, I then have to transcribe what I wrote into the computer, but the glory of that is I can do a quick edit as I go. Yeah, I love my typewriter.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Getting Deep
I met a couple once. I was working for an architectural and engineering firm in Las Vegas. I was a single mom at the time. It just so happened that I had a weekend off because my son was spending it with grandma and grandpa. This guy worked as a temp where I worked. He invited me to go out with his girlfriend and him for the night. I acquiesced.
So, this couple we'll call Jeff and Renee pick me up and we head out to a cafe, then a meal on the cheap and end up at one of their parents' houses - who apparently were out of town for the weekend, score. They lived in some ridiculously small apartment and of course so did I.
Well, one starry night, a couple of wads of green weed and a pipe led to some interesting conversation in which I was cornered into hearing the sordid but romantic story of how Jeff became disenchanted with his current girlfriend when he met Renee and just had to leave her to be with Renee but Renee being the ever upright citizen (um ok) made him tell his ex girlfriend the truth (wha?).
At this point Jeff becomes visibly uncomfortable and indicates he wants her to stop the story. Ah the glories of love. She finishes the story anyways and he proceeds to tell me that she talks too much, a fault she's working on with her therapist. Which of course pisses her off because why would you want anyone to know you're seeing a therapist, but then why would you want anyone to know you cheated on your ex and then left her for the current girl?
I'm bewildered at this point and stoned, so you can imagine I could not think of a single intelligent thing to say. In the ensuing argument between them about these provocative reveals, they decide not to talk to each other any more. And there we sat in a bummed out, ruined high of a silence. We decide to go to bed.
What do you think happens next? Well about a half hour into my rather uncomfortable sleep, I hear my door being knocked on and enters Jeff. Oh shit.
He wants to be with me. He can't stay with Renee. He has fallen in love with me and cannot stand it anymore. (Translation I'm a repeat offending jerk and want to get in your pants.) I am completely disgusted by this obviously unoriginal act and tell him to go back to his girlfriend who, if he remembered correctly, he had promised to stay with after having left a different girl. He slunk away in sheepish quiet and I slept with one eye open.
I find it funny when people talk a good game of deeply philosophical uprightness and then fail miserably to live it. (Not that I'm perfect at this stuff of course, but hey, we're not really talking about me anyways right?)
So, this couple we'll call Jeff and Renee pick me up and we head out to a cafe, then a meal on the cheap and end up at one of their parents' houses - who apparently were out of town for the weekend, score. They lived in some ridiculously small apartment and of course so did I.
Well, one starry night, a couple of wads of green weed and a pipe led to some interesting conversation in which I was cornered into hearing the sordid but romantic story of how Jeff became disenchanted with his current girlfriend when he met Renee and just had to leave her to be with Renee but Renee being the ever upright citizen (um ok) made him tell his ex girlfriend the truth (wha?).
At this point Jeff becomes visibly uncomfortable and indicates he wants her to stop the story. Ah the glories of love. She finishes the story anyways and he proceeds to tell me that she talks too much, a fault she's working on with her therapist. Which of course pisses her off because why would you want anyone to know you're seeing a therapist, but then why would you want anyone to know you cheated on your ex and then left her for the current girl?
I'm bewildered at this point and stoned, so you can imagine I could not think of a single intelligent thing to say. In the ensuing argument between them about these provocative reveals, they decide not to talk to each other any more. And there we sat in a bummed out, ruined high of a silence. We decide to go to bed.
What do you think happens next? Well about a half hour into my rather uncomfortable sleep, I hear my door being knocked on and enters Jeff. Oh shit.
He wants to be with me. He can't stay with Renee. He has fallen in love with me and cannot stand it anymore. (Translation I'm a repeat offending jerk and want to get in your pants.) I am completely disgusted by this obviously unoriginal act and tell him to go back to his girlfriend who, if he remembered correctly, he had promised to stay with after having left a different girl. He slunk away in sheepish quiet and I slept with one eye open.
I find it funny when people talk a good game of deeply philosophical uprightness and then fail miserably to live it. (Not that I'm perfect at this stuff of course, but hey, we're not really talking about me anyways right?)
Monday, June 01, 2009
The Last Day
It's the last day for my drawing over on Brown Books Project. Head over before 8 pm Eastern Time and you might win a prize! Just leave a comment at this post and you're entered to win.
Happy Reading All!
Happy Reading All!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Maggie Moss....Come On Down!
I have a confession.
I am a game show addict. Not reality shows game shows, I mean your Bob Barker Price is Right type. When we had TV channels flowing in to our wires, I loved watching those games on HGTV where a couple would have to guess the price of a house and if they were right they won it. Or, Ben Stein's Money. But my absolute favorite, now don't shoot me, was Wheel of Fortune. I just couldn't help myself. I love the show and I was invariably better than any of the contestants. Of course, I wasn't in front of a camera, live audience and standing next to competitive spellers.
Family Feud. That was so much fun. And I really like Louie Anderson. The original host was kinda smarmy.
I never much got into Who Wants to be a Millionaire, but I did love watching Alex Trebek and his Jeopardy.
Do you guys remember the Gong Show? There's an oldie.
Oh, and I loved both versions of Whose Line Is It Anyways, which was really more of a comedic show, but always side splitting.
Yeah, I miss the shows. Sometimes.
Any of you have strange TV addictions?
I am a game show addict. Not reality shows game shows, I mean your Bob Barker Price is Right type. When we had TV channels flowing in to our wires, I loved watching those games on HGTV where a couple would have to guess the price of a house and if they were right they won it. Or, Ben Stein's Money. But my absolute favorite, now don't shoot me, was Wheel of Fortune. I just couldn't help myself. I love the show and I was invariably better than any of the contestants. Of course, I wasn't in front of a camera, live audience and standing next to competitive spellers.
Family Feud. That was so much fun. And I really like Louie Anderson. The original host was kinda smarmy.
I never much got into Who Wants to be a Millionaire, but I did love watching Alex Trebek and his Jeopardy.
Do you guys remember the Gong Show? There's an oldie.
Oh, and I loved both versions of Whose Line Is It Anyways, which was really more of a comedic show, but always side splitting.
Yeah, I miss the shows. Sometimes.
Any of you have strange TV addictions?
Shameless Shameless
I'm having a drawing. Over at the Brown Books Blog! Go there and put a comment on this post. There are no obligations, you do not have to read the book we're about to take on, but if it interests you, you never know. In any case, I will be drawing a lucky winner Monday, June 1st at 8:00 pm Eastern Time. Go, be a contestant!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tempting the Tongue
I want to talk about food. Because it encompasses my universe.
In a budget conscious time, we still want our gourmand palate satisfied. By we I am of course referring to my husband and I. As far as the kids are concerned the following meals are all they could ever need:
pizza
macaroni and cheese
hot dogs
hamburgers
grilled cheese
spaghetti
cookies
ice cream
And I am all too happy to oblige since these meals fit quite easily into a tight budget. But for us (the foodie two of the family) I've been finagling. For instance, I found a salmon flank on sale for half price. Whip up a lemon thyme marinade, grill that sucker and add in a light summer salad with grapefruit juice vinaigrette (have I mentioned this is my new addiction?) and voila! C'est magnifique. (Practicing French never hurts - especially when referring to food)
Another great mouth melter: One of our favorite vegetable sides happens to be a spring veggie and therefore found at wonderful prices right now. Asparagus, my second love. Prep these guys up, cut in 1 to 2 inch pieces, douse with a balanced amount (read: not drowning but coated) of olive oil, sprinkle with about a tablespoon of sea salt, toss to mix and throw in a 400 degree oven for about 30 minutes and ooh baby have you got something.
Foodie Faux Pas: do not under any circumstances buy medallion steaks at half off nearing their expiration date and expect to actually make steaks with them. Nope. You could cut the meat and use it for stew or something, but the idea of them being good steaks equals total mistake. Ugh. To call it tough would be a compliment.
Ice Cream. What else can you say? Except perhaps Homemade Ice Cream. Oh yeah. I've wanted an ice cream maker for at least four years. I finally broke down and bought one. I am giving the no rock salt variety a try. Yesterday I whipped up a batch of Creamsicle Cake Mix Ice Cream - my own creation. The oohs and aahs have it. Two thumbs up and here comes a summer of frozen fun.
Foodie Quip: you never realize just how much you need a whisk until you haven't got one. Rue? Gravy? Sauces? Good luck.
In a budget conscious time, we still want our gourmand palate satisfied. By we I am of course referring to my husband and I. As far as the kids are concerned the following meals are all they could ever need:
pizza
macaroni and cheese
hot dogs
hamburgers
grilled cheese
spaghetti
cookies
ice cream
And I am all too happy to oblige since these meals fit quite easily into a tight budget. But for us (the foodie two of the family) I've been finagling. For instance, I found a salmon flank on sale for half price. Whip up a lemon thyme marinade, grill that sucker and add in a light summer salad with grapefruit juice vinaigrette (have I mentioned this is my new addiction?) and voila! C'est magnifique. (Practicing French never hurts - especially when referring to food)
Another great mouth melter: One of our favorite vegetable sides happens to be a spring veggie and therefore found at wonderful prices right now. Asparagus, my second love. Prep these guys up, cut in 1 to 2 inch pieces, douse with a balanced amount (read: not drowning but coated) of olive oil, sprinkle with about a tablespoon of sea salt, toss to mix and throw in a 400 degree oven for about 30 minutes and ooh baby have you got something.
Foodie Faux Pas: do not under any circumstances buy medallion steaks at half off nearing their expiration date and expect to actually make steaks with them. Nope. You could cut the meat and use it for stew or something, but the idea of them being good steaks equals total mistake. Ugh. To call it tough would be a compliment.
Ice Cream. What else can you say? Except perhaps Homemade Ice Cream. Oh yeah. I've wanted an ice cream maker for at least four years. I finally broke down and bought one. I am giving the no rock salt variety a try. Yesterday I whipped up a batch of Creamsicle Cake Mix Ice Cream - my own creation. The oohs and aahs have it. Two thumbs up and here comes a summer of frozen fun.
Foodie Quip: you never realize just how much you need a whisk until you haven't got one. Rue? Gravy? Sauces? Good luck.
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